The Year of Dog

We have owned a dog for 1 year today. I thought I should write a review of dog ownership, now that we have been through a whole year of puppy terror. People have said having a puppy is like having a newborn baby. No, it's not. It's a million times worse.

I realize that there are millions of different dog breeds, and my experience is only with this particular female Maltese puppy.

#1 Dog Con: Pee and Poo
She came to us knowing how to pee on a training pad, but she would often miss. She has selected a couple of rooms in the house that she likes to pee and poop in. I have spent many, many hours scrubbing the carpet in my house, and have had it professionally cleaned to get it out. I have spent many, many hours sitting on the back steps repeating, "Go potty, Pip. Pip! Go potty!" for sometimes 45 minutes at a time, only to have her not go at all outside, then come inside and take a crap in the corner of the living room. RAAAAGE!!

The solution to this unbelievably frustrating house-breaking experience has been a multitude of things. Crate training is probably the most effective, but if you have children, they will sabotage your efforts. A doggie door is a must for us, since she doesn't hold it- if she can't go outside, she will just pee on the carpet. Also, we keep all the bedroom doors closed in the house, and the basement door is closed at all times. If she makes it into any of the kids' rooms, she will poop. She is only allowed in the living room, kitchen and our bedroom, since oddly enough, she doesn't pee or poop in there.

I used to take her with me to take the kids to and from school, but she started pooping in the back seat of the van, so she is banned from all vehicles.

I would say she's 99% housebroken now, but I'm telling you, it has been blood, sweat and tears, man. Whose blood, sweat and tears? MINE.

#2 Dog Con: Barking
I get that dogs bark, but every time the doorbell rings she goes nuts. Every time she hears another dog outside, she goes nuts. Every time she sees something across the room she doesn't recognize, psychotic barking.

#3 Dog Con: Destruction of Property
Dogs destroy things. Coloring books, toys, homework, shoes, books. Anything that is left on the floor is fair game for her to chew up. She has a particular affinity for toothbrushes. She also likes to unwind the toilet paper from the roll and shred it into a million pieces. RAAAAGE!

#4 Dog Con: Constant Shadowing
I don't know if this is normal for all dogs, but Pip follows us wherever we go. She is always underfoot. If I need go from my room to the kitchen, she is right there with me the whole way. If I were to do this 45,000 times in a row, I have no doubt that she would not fatigue.

#5 Dog Con: Running Away of the Dog
Yes, many a morning my neighbors have seen me running down the street in my pajamas, chasing that little piece of %#@! who loves to bolt anytime the door cracks open. One morning she was holding up traffic by standing in the middle of the road, barking ferociously at a school bus. Idiot dog.

Although I feel there are many cons to having Pip, it's important for me to clarify that I am very nice to her. I pet her, play with her, feed her, etc. She loves me and obeys me. I have felt from the beginning that since we made the decision to get her, it's only fair that we put up with all the negatives and try to give her a good life. She is after all, just a dog, and we have to teach her how to behave.

Pip getting a haircut

Me, after giving Pip a haircut

#1 Dog Pro: Kids Love Her
The kids love having a dog. They aren't a whole lot of help, but they do play with her and give her attention. The main reason we still have her is that I don't think the kids would ever get over it if she were to go away. Well, maybe they would, but it would be awful. When we left for our road trip this summer, Addie sobbed for an hour or two because she was so sad to leave Pip.

#2 Dog Pro: Cuteness
She is cute. When I'm in bed, she jumps up and puts her head on my chest and looks at me adoringly. It's annoying and invasive and cute all rolled into one.

#3 Dog Pro: It Gives You Something to Mock
When she chases her tail for 15 minutes at a time, it's funny. It's easy to mock her, and it doesn't damage her self-esteem, since we do it while petting her and talking in a nice voice.

She looks like a ferret when she's wet. See? Easy to mock.

Overall, now that Pip is a year old, she's way easier and I don't hate having her nearly as much as I did in those first months. She's housebroken, doesn't nibble on fingers and toes, and is generally a good little dog. She is great with the kids, and is very loving.

I know that there are lots of people who love dogs and feel incomplete without one. I think that's fantastic. I am not one of those people, so I can't say that I would do this again. We will keep our little Pippers, but I do consider this a very expensive and urine-filled life lesson learned.