Uh-oh, I sense some poetic waxing and me being vulnerable coming up. Watch out, now.
Nils and I dug out our old journals a couple weeks ago and read through them. Nils' journal is seriously hysterical. He wrote in it regularly for a couple of years and filled every page with his 16 and 17 year old thoughts and feelings. I could barely breathe, I was laughing so hard. I've read it before, but it has been several years since we pulled it off the shelf. He talked about his daily routine of work, school, church stuff, and there was quite a bit in there about girls. Oh, teenage angst! It's hilarious now.
We were reading my journal, which I wrote in far less frequently- I wrote in it for about 8 years, but with a couple of years inbetween sometimes. Anyway, I said "dang" an awful lot. "That test was dang hard", or "it's dang annoying when she does that." I was so embarrassed that Nils was reading it. I don't know why- it had been eons since I'd looked at it, so it was pretty fresh for me, too. I didn't have time to pre-screen, haha. But he was a super good sport about me reading his, so I had to let him read mine, right?
Last night we were looking at old home videos that we've taken from the time our kids were babies. There was one in particular of when we brought Ava home from the hospital. The kids hadn't seen her yet, because it was when the swine flu thing was happening, so no children were allowed at the hospital. Aani was 2 1/2, Addie was almost 5, and Anders was almost 7. Anders was at school, so the video was just Aani and Addie meeting Ava for the first time. It is one of the most precious things I've ever seen. Ever. I can't stop thinking about it. Addie said in the video, "Too bad Anders isn't here to see how cute Ava is." She kept trying to give Ava her toys to play with. Aani was being unbelievably adorable, tilting her head and admiring Ava, saying, "oooooohhhh!!" I can't even stand it. I want to snatch them all out of the video and squeeze them, and then eat them for dessert.
I'm always ornery when Nils busts out the camera and tries to take pictures of me. He can take as many pictures of the kids as he likes, but I usually hate having my picture taken. I'm trying to be better about it now (kinda), but historically I've hated it. I pick myself apart and am ultra-critical, blah blah blah. My point in saying this: As current me- looking back at those images of myself from a few years ago- I didn't look too shabby. At the time, I thought I looked awful and wanted all pictures and video of myself deleted. Maybe my tummy was poking out, or my hair was wacky, or my back fat made an appearance. I'm always mortified about those things, and I know it's stupid, but there it is. Turns out I wasn't/I'm not as unphotogenic as I thought!
Anyway, I'm thankful to Nils for being persistent in taking video and pictures of our family, so we can have these memories. They are priceless. And I highly doubt that when our kids and grandkids are looking back at these photos and videos, they'll say, "Wow Mom/Grandma, looks like you were a little chunky then, eh?" And if they do, they weren't raised right and need a smack.
Write in your journals, kids! Record your life! It's easier than it ever has been, and no one will be sad that you did. And, let's all be a little kinder to ourselves. Easier said than done, I know, but it's worth shooting for, amiright?